Thirteen axioms — some funny but all very important to the modern man who, if he’s made it this far, should now be readily equipped to buy with brains.
There’s a reason it’s on sale.
Try it on.
There is no honor in buying something with the intention of later returning it.
Store credit is bullshit.
The louder the music, the less helpful the sales staff.
“I’ll think about it” are the four most useful words in a man’s shopping vocabulary.
Before purchasing a suit at a store with “Mart,” “Emporium,” “Barn,” or “O-Rama” in its name: don’t.
Fall clothes arrive in early August. (Mostly.) Spring clothes arrive in early February. (Mostly.) These are the best times to buy last season’s stuff on sale.
Things you can always buy without trying on: T-shirts, underwear, socks. Things you can never buy without trying on: everything else.
A well-built shopping bag is a thing of beauty.
The better you’re dressed, the better the service.
The later in the day you shop for shoes, the more swollen your feet and the worse the fit.
Clean underwear, clean socks, clean conscience.